While I started this blog to help, understand and build community of making teaching and learning easy, one thing that always stuck with me was about all the mothers who play an important role in the upbringing of their children.

Especially those who are caring for the children who are on Autism spectrum (let's call them Spectracular moms, word coined by my very wonderful friend Swetha). Also all the moms who are nurturing children with Autism, sensorial issues, developmental delay and so on.

We shall deviate from the learning space and try to understand the minds and hearts of these moms. Let's try to go inside their mind and try to put ourselves in their shoes. Walk their path and see what it feels like being a Spectracular Mom. Here I will share stories of few mothers (out of many that I have met) and how they are thriving in their parenting journey despite the challenges

Being in my line of work I often encounter mother's nurturing different needs of their children while they themselves come from different backgrounds

Sharing some Spectracular stories

Story of IT manager SM: I met amazing mom some years back. Self made, having a highly successful IT carrier, believes in planning everything meticulously. She had always planned her life. At what age she would get her job, she would save up a certain amount of funds then have children, hire help to support herself while she was thriving at her job. She had a very supportive husband as well. Everything was fine until one day when she met me. I had noticed a lot of developmental delays in her child. I needed to discuss with her, I had to tell her that the child needs immediate help and attention. Initially her reaction was like every mother's. DENIAL. She kept insisting that her son was a genius, solving mathematical problems, puzzles, writing numbers and the alphabet. In her defence she totally forgot that her child was completely non verbal at the age of 5. The very sign and a milestone that had to be noticed and worked up almost 2 years back went completely unnoticed, mostly due to pandemic and virtual schooling situations. It broke her heart to no end. After initial denials and guilt (mother guilt is real) she started to slowly come to terms that her child needs her the most. With professional help she began an amazing journey with her son. She shared with me that he life completely changed. She never took anything for granted. She would even notice the smallest change in her child. For the longest days when she did not see much progress in his speech, she would feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious. After a long walk in the dark tunnel small light at the end of the tunnel would instantly brighten up. This journey continued for many months and years and she shares that she has her good days and bad days just like her child. She is also discovering and figuring out every small thing about life, again just like her son. She's constantly alert, always analysing the growth and progress of her son. This journey is wholesome but also extremely tiresome.

Story of a stay-at-home SM: Now this mother happens to be a very good friend of mine. No she's not my childhood friend, but someone I met in my 30's and felt extremely connected with ( it's not easy to make friends in your 30's trust them and stay friends coming from an extrovert person like me, trust me). She has two kids, she had never faced any kind of issues with her elder one. When that happens again as a mother you do not pay attention to any milestone details of your younger child. My friend is an extremely disciplined person. Very articulate and has prolific vocabulary. When she speaks you just want to listen. She shared with me, that when her son was said to be on the spectrum, she literally had to look up on Google to understand what autism spectrum means. She never heard that word in her life. Her world came crashing down as she was already dealing with a lot of personal tragedy and grief. This was the last thing she could take. Now when someone is already processing grief, it is next to impossible to deal with challenges thrown at your child. To put in simple words, she's one of the strongest woman I know. Keeping aside her own traumatic experiences, she threw herself into nurturing her young child. She educated herself about the necessary care given like a professional. She attended classes online, she worked endlessly with her son. She tells me sometimes she felt so guilty about her elder child not getting enough attention because too much focus was put on the younger one. Yes again mom guilt is real. She credits her elder child a lot for being a sensitive soul in understanding the situation. I guess it's her own upbringing of her elder child that the child is able to support its mother. She tirelessly travels to different places where she can get the best possible professionals, monitors personal parameters of her child. She also has to deal with endless relatives who expect every child to be an adult. Places like temples with loud sounds can be extremely challenging to go with your child who's already have sensorial issues. Answering every damn person why my child is behaving in such a way is very painful she says. When she's alone at night after all the chaos, she is simply overwhelmed. There's guilt, there's uncertainty and there's always a question mark about the future. Impact of the present, that shapes the future of both her kids and herself.

Story of an obsessive SM: Some years back I met this kid. I cannot explain how, but when this kid hugged me I felt like I was hugging my own child. He was so special, his smile, his eyes and the way he laughed. But there was a catch, he did not make eye contact with anyone. There was a little bit of eye contact only with someone he liked. If he did not like someone he never ever went to them. He did not speak full sentences but always tried to communicate his needs. There were many developmental delays and some specific details about the child that I had to speak to his parents. Whenever I had to speak to parents regarding this, trust me I would never sleep the previous night. As a parent myself I always knew their first reaction and obviously there were times when I was yelled upon. So finally I sat down with the parents and got on explaining the situation with their child. Even before I could continue the mother started to get very impatient and angry with me. She was countering every sentence I said. I realised that this was not the time I spoke to her. I gave her a few pointers to observe her child. Come back to me with her honest observation. I asked her not to manipulate the result because here it was not about her raising her child perfectly it was simply about her child who needed to be heard. She came back after a few weeks and seemed totally devastated. It seemed like the world had doomed. So after she crossed the first stage of denial, she had now come to the stage of acceptance and was ready to take necessary actions. We discussed in detail about small changes she could make with her child and start keeping a record of his progress. I also told her that since I have no professional, she would rather seek the help of a professional. Slowly I noticed that she had become an obsessive mother. Out of concern I had shared my number with her. She would message me with the minutest details. She would call me on the slightest inconvenience. She would have fights and arguments with the therapists on very silly matters. She would be very angry if the progress did not happen in a few days, let alone weeks and months. I noticed this for a while and asked her to meet me outside for a cup of coffee. I told her we will not talk about her child for once. As we sat down she started to share stories of her life with me. She told me that she had a very difficult childhood. Her parents worked very hard to make ends meet. There was always constant fear of things running out in her house. She grew up thinking that she needs to keep everything in control else. Then she will see a day where her home is empty and she is suffering. When she learned about her son's challenges it completely broke her. She went back to square one of having the same feeling, same fear and being paranoid. She thought she had to take control and expect results while on the way she realized that it was a very difficult and challenging journey and that she was not equipped to deal with it. She simply did not know whom or how to ask for help because from childhood she was always taught that she had to be independent. I told her I am not a professional, but one thing I can tell is that she first has to heal from all her childhood traumas in order to help her child make this journey a little smoother. She has to overcome all her fears and start healing herself. I told her that in my experience I have always noticed that mothers directly or indirectly pass on their fears to their children without even knowing that they're doing it. If a mother is not happy and is always stressed, the child is automatically stressed. If the mother is happy, attentive, and focused the child immediately catches up to that emotion and also reflects the same emotion. I don't know how much this helped her, but she promised me that she would definitely work with a different mindset now and that she would never go back to feeling paranoid or scared again as this was not necessarily about her or her upbringing her child, but this was about her child who was screaming for help. We both the coffee shop left with our hearts a little lighter.

Story of girl who had to wake up and become a Spectacular Mom : this is the story of a girl who had to grow up immediately and become a spectacular mother. Yes, she was a girl. She was not even a woman but she was a girl. This is the story of my friend who was a happy-go-lucky girl in school. She was always a topper in the class. She wanted to do things differently. Very very charming. Whoever spoke to her could not deny the amazing charisma this girl had. She had faced many problems in life but that never ever took out the liveliness in her. She was a friend's friend, a friend always there for her friends. A girl who was ready to help you call her at 2:00 a.m. and she'd be at your doorstep trying to solve your problem. I always told her that they don't make people like you anymore. You are so different and refreshingly amazing. Jealousy was one emotion that I have never seen in her. She was the most secured person I have met. She was happy for your success. She was hooting out for you in public. Always supportive, always encouraging and always motivating. She told me that when she found difficulties in raising her son with challenges related to spectrum a person like her was too scared to face it. She started to eat excessively, anything she could find especially sweets. She had put on 15kgs while dealing with her child's challenges. She cried endlessly for years. There was nobody she could asked for help for as the awareness on this matter is not widely spoken about. She started to have her own health issues. Underwent surgeries while trying to balance her job, her son's challenges and her health. It was a dark period she said. One thing I appreciate about her, is that she could recognise and accept her problems and deal with them. Somehow she pulled herself after months of being depressed as ultimately it was not about her but about her child. Today she is in a much better place and her child is doing amazing.

These are just four stories and four mothers. We have so many mothers so many stories that go unnoticed. In our society, when you are a mother, you are expected to do everything for your child. You are responsible for everything that your child does. People often forget that a mother is still a human being too. When you are caring and nurturing a child with challenges, please note it is extremely taxing difficult and overwhelming. A mother is not God. Please do not put mothers on a pedestal. They are flawed just like any other human beings. When a woman is continuously nurturing her child who has difficult challenges, she totally forgets to take care of herself. Have you ever thought about how she feels? Has anyone tried to understand her. Raising children without challenges and raising children with challenges are not the same. The woman here is an unsung hero. She goes beyond her human capabilities to set things right for her child. Nobody even notices this about her. Do you know why? Because a mother is obviously expected to do this for her child according to our society. I'm not denying that, but it won't hurt anyone, if we support her. Instead of judging her, try to empathize with her.

Behind every child making slightest progress are the parents who have put their blood sweat heart and soul especially the mother. Never forget to remind her to take care of herself too. She needs a break from parenting and decision making skills. Be her friend, be her comrades she wants nothing but a good company.

Thank you everyone for reading till the end. Do suggest me with different topics I should write on. It will be very helpful for me too.

Put yourself in the shoes of a mother who cares for her differently abled child